A relationship can feel steady and secure… until one conversation suddenly tests that foundation: “I think we should get a prenup.”
For some couples, this sentence is no more dramatic than talking about vacation plans or setting a budget. For others, it lands with weight, like raising questions, stirring emotions, or even creating distance between partners who otherwise communicate well.
When only one person wants a prenuptial agreement, the situation becomes even more delicate. The request can spark misunderstandings, reveal unspoken expectations, and leave both individuals wondering what the other is really trying to say.
This guide walks you through why this disagreement happens, what it actually means for the relationship, and how couples can navigate the crossroads without creating unnecessary tension. You’ll also learn how a prenup attorney can support healthy communication and help bring clarity to a conversation that often becomes more emotional than expected.
Why Couples Disagree About Prenups
Differences around prenups don’t emerge out of nowhere. They are rooted in personal history, cultural beliefs, emotional associations, or practical concerns about money and marriage. Understanding these roots sets the foundation for a calmer and more constructive discussion.
Common reasons one partner might resist a prenup include:
- Emotional baggage from past relationships
A partner who has been hurt financially or emotionally before may associate prenups with betrayal or abandonment. - Cultural or family expectations
Some people grow up with the idea that marriage and finances naturally merge without question. A prenup can feel unfamiliar or contradictory to that upbringing. - Fear of creating imbalance
If one partner earns more or owns more, the other may worry that a prenup positions them at a disadvantage, even if that isn’t the intention. - Concerns about signaling mistrust
For some people, the word "prenup" immediately suggests preparing for divorce. That emotional weight alone can lead to resistance. - Uncertainty about legal language or implications
A prenup can sound intimidating if someone doesn’t fully understand what it is and what it isn’t.
At the same time, the partner who wants the prenup can be motivated by reasons that are practical, thoughtful, or protective of the relationship. This includes entering a marriage with children from a previous relationship, owning a business, having inherited assets, or simply wanting financial clarity before marriage.
The conflict usually arises not from the prenup itself, but from the meaning each person assigns to it. That meaning is where the deeper conversation lives.
What It Means When Only One Partner Wants a Prenup
When only one partner brings up a prenup, it doesn't automatically signal mistrust, selfishness, or fear of commitment. It can reveal different things depending on the context of the relationship.
Some possibilities include:
- A desire for transparency
Money can be one of the most common sources of stress in marriage. Wanting a prenup may reflect a commitment to prevent financial confusion later. - The need to protect pre-marital interests
A partner may have obligations, such as children, business partners, and family property, that require clear boundaries. - Unease about uncertainty
When two people come from different financial backgrounds, one may feel more vulnerable than the other without a prenup. - A strong sense of responsibility
Sometimes, one person simply wants to ensure the marriage begins with clarity and structure. - A difference in how each partner approaches risk
Risk tolerance is a real dynamic in relationships. Wanting a prenup may be part of a broader pattern of preferring proactive planning.
Meanwhile, the partner who doesn't want the prenup may be expressing vulnerability rather than stubbornness. They may fear losing security, feeling undervalued, or being treated as though the marriage is conditional.
In some cases, the disagreement is not about money, but about identity, values, and emotional reassurance. Seeing it through that lens allows both partners to approach the conversation with empathy instead of defensiveness.
How to Approach the Conversation Without Escalating Conflict
A prenup discussion is rarely just about the agreement. It’s about communication, emotional safety, and the meaning each partner attaches to finances and commitment. Approaching it with care can transform what feels like a conflict into a moment of deeper understanding.
Here are grounded strategies that protect both the relationship and the discussion:
Start with Curiosity, Not Assumptions
Instead of leading with conclusions, try questions such as:
- “Can you tell me what concerns you most about getting a prenup?”
- “What does a prenup mean to you emotionally?”
- “What would help you feel comfortable discussing this?”
This shifts the energy from debate to discovery.
Share Your Perspective Without Defending Yourself
Explain why you want (or don’t want) a prenup in personal terms rather than legal or financial language. For example:
- “I want us to avoid future misunderstandings and make decisions while we’re in a good place together.”
- “I feel a responsibility to protect my family’s business, and I want to talk openly about how that affects us.”
Clear communication lowers defensiveness and keeps both partners engaged.
Avoid Turning the Conversation Into a Negotiation Too Early
If the first discussion becomes a back-and-forth about property, alimony, or percentages, emotions rise quickly. Instead:
- Focus first on principles rather than terms.
- Explore values like fairness, protection, transparency, and partnership.
- Clarify concerns before suggesting solutions.
Together, these steps help both partners stay grounded in understanding rather than rushing into details that can create unnecessary tension.
Create a Calm Environment
A prenup conversation deserves:
- Privacy
- Uninterrupted time
- Mutual respect
- A willingness to pause if emotions rise
Trying to talk about a prenup during stressful moments, while traveling, after work, or during unrelated conflicts, can backfire.
Acknowledge Feelings, Even If You Don’t Share Them
It’s possible to validate your partner without agreeing with their viewpoint:
- “I understand why this feels uncomfortable.”
- “I hear that you worry this changes how I see our relationship.”
- “Your feelings matter to me, and I want us to work through this together.”
When emotions feel respected, solutions become easier to reach.
Key Points Both Partners Should Understand Before Deciding
A prenup is not just a document, but it’s also a tool. Understanding that tool more clearly can dissolve many fears and assumptions that keep couples stuck in disagreement.
Below are essential points both partners should consider:
A Prenup Is Customizable, Not One-Size-Fits-All
Some people assume a prenup favors the wealthier partner. In reality, couples can tailor a prenup to protect both people, support fairness, and outline expectations for various scenarios. The agreement can be shaped to reflect shared values, not predetermined formulas.
A Prenup Encourages Clarity, Not Conflict
Rather than sparking arguments, a well-structured prenup can prevent future misunderstandings by addressing:
- Ownership of premarital assets
- How finances will be managed during the marriage
- Responsibilities regarding debt
- Expectations for property division if the marriage ends
- Plans for spousal support under different conditions
This clarity eases pressure instead of creating it.
A Prenup Does Not Predict the Future of the Marriage
Choosing a prenup is a form of planning, not pessimism. People create wills, insurance plans, and business agreements not because they expect the worst, but because they value preparation. A prenup belongs in the same category—proactive, not fatalistic.
Both Partners Deserve Independent Legal Counsel
For a prenup to be valid and fair, each partner should have their own attorney. This protects both sides and ensures that neither person feels coerced, uninformed, or disadvantaged.
A Prenup Can Address Non-Financial Matters
While financial issues are central, couples can also use a prenup to outline expectations around:
- Communication about finances
- Contributions to shared goals
- Plans for major life decisions (e.g., moving for a career)
- Responsibilities that affect long-term stability
These elements create a sense of partnership rather than separation.
Prenups Can Strengthen Trust
When handled respectfully, a prenup discussion can deepen intimacy. It demonstrates honesty, vulnerability, and willingness to face difficult topics together. Some couples find that the process makes them more secure, not less.
How a Prenuptial Agreement Attorney Can Help Bring Resolution
When couples reach a stalemate, one partner wants a prenup, and the other feels uncertain, bringing in a knowledgeable attorney often shifts the conversation in a meaningful way. A skilled family law attorney does more than draft documents. They help translate intentions into fair, understandable terms and guide both partners toward clarity.
Here are ways an attorney from DeTommaso Law Group, LLC contributes to real resolution:
- Providing objective explanations
We can clarify what a prenup can include, what it cannot include, and how it protects each partner. This removes guesswork and reduces emotional misinterpretation. - Ensuring fairness
A well-drafted prenup must be reasonable to both sides. We help avoid imbalances that could harm the relationship or make the agreement unenforceable. - Easing communication
Some couples struggle to have direct conversations about money. We can serve as a neutral communicator, keeping discussions grounded and productive. - Creating a document that reflects the couple’s shared values
Rather than relying on standard templates, we tailor the agreement to your unique relationship, priorities, and long-term plans. - Reducing stress and uncertainty
When couples understand the legal side clearly, emotional fears can dissolve. This makes decision-making far easier.
Overall, legal support ensures that both partners feel respected and protected, allowing you to move forward toward marriage with a stronger foundation. You don’t have to navigate this alone, and the right guidance can turn a moment of discomfort into an opportunity for growth and unity.
If you and your partner are navigating this sensitive topic and need guidance, we can help you approach the conversation with fairness, clarity, and confidence. Reach out to us at (908) 274-3028 or fill out our online form to get started.