It starts with the best of intentions. You and your ex both want to “keep things amicable.” You sign the papers, divide the assets, and agree on alimony. It feels like closure. Until they stop paying.
Suddenly, your post-divorce life is in limbo. Rent’s late. Bills pile up. You're digging through your settlement agreement looking for answers that should’ve been there from the beginning, but aren’t.
This is where a solid divorce settlement checklist comes in. Not just any checklist. One built to protect you long after the ink dries. One that considers not just what should happen, but what could go wrong and how to be ready for it.
Here’s the breakdown of what you need, why so many agreements fall short, and how to fix it before it’s too late.
Why Alimony Agreements Fall Apart After Divorce
Let’s get honest: divorce agreements are often created in a rush. Even when they’re not, they’re based on assumptions about future jobs, willingness to cooperate, or the idea that your ex will “do the right thing.” That’s the first crack.
Here’s why things go south:
- No enforcement clarity. Many agreements say what someone has to pay, but not how or what happens when they don’t. That leaves you guessing when checks stop arriving.
- Informal arrangements. Verbal agreements, handshake deals, and “we’ll just figure it out” are common. But when emotions cool and money gets tight, those promises disappear.
- Changing circumstances. Job losses, remarriages, relocations—all of these can (and often do) affect someone’s willingness or ability to pay. If your agreement doesn’t address change, you’ll have to go back to court.
- Lack of specifics. Vague terms like “reasonable support” or “until the recipient is self-sufficient” create loopholes. And your ex will find them when it suits them.
This is why some people, even years later, wish they’d had a better agreement. Not just to protect themselves, but to avoid the emotional stress and financial limbo that comes with enforcement battles.
So let’s talk about exactly what your settlement should include to avoid that outcome.
Key Terms to Include in Your Settlement (That Most People Miss)
If your divorce agreement only says “$1,500/month in alimony,” it’s incomplete. A proper alimony clause needs more than just a number. Without these terms, you’re relying entirely on goodwill. With them, you’re building a financial backup plan that stands even if your ex doesn’t.
Start with these non-negotiables:
1. Start and End Dates
- Does it begin the month after signing? After the divorce is finalized?
- Does it end after a fixed number of years? When you remarry? When your ex retires?
2. Payment Method
- Bank transfer? Auto-pay?
- Who covers transaction fees?
- Is there a due date (e.g., the 1st of every month)?
3. Consequences for Missed Payments
- Late fees?
- Automatic wage garnishment?
- What happens after 30, 60, or 90 days?
4. Modification Terms
- Can either party request a change? Under what conditions?
- Do you both agree to mandatory mediation before going back to court?
5. Security for Payments
This is the most overlooked and most important detail.
Consider:
- Life insurance naming you as the beneficiary, so payments continue if your ex passes away.
- A lump-sum buyout or property lien as a backup in case of non-payment.
- Escrowed funds or a support trust if your ex has a history of instability.
How to Structure Alimony Payments for Long-Term Security
There’s more than one way to receive alimony. The right structure depends on your needs, your ex’s stability, and how much control you want over the future.
Here are three common ways to structure payments, each with pros and pitfalls:
1. Monthly Payments
Good for: steady, predictable income.
- Ideal if you need regular support (e.g., to pay rent or childcare).
- But this only works if your ex is dependable.
- If they fall behind, so does your life.
Tip: Pair this structure with strict enforcement clauses and a method of tracking payments.
2. Lump-Sum Alimony
Good for: minimizing risk.
- You get a one-time payout, often in exchange for giving up monthly support.
- Removes dependence on your ex.
- You’ll need financial planning to make it last.
Caution: Lump-sum offers are often lowball. Don’t agree to this without legal advice and financial analysis.
3. Alimony in Trust
Good for: cases involving large assets or high-risk payors.
- A neutral third party manages and distributes the money.
- Guarantees consistency, especially if your ex is unpredictable or self-employed.
What to Do When Your Ex Stops Paying—and How to Prepare for It Now
If the payments have stopped, you’re not powerless, but what you do next depends on how well your agreement was written. Being prepared for non-payment is not cynical, it’s smart. And it doesn't mean you expect failure. It means you're not leaving your financial future to chance.
First, take a breath. Then take these steps:
1. Document Everything
- Keep a clear record of missed payments, texts, emails, or any communication about the money.
- This will be critical if you need to go to court or enforce the order.
2. Check the Agreement
- Look for enforcement or penalty clauses.
- Did your agreement say what would happen if they stopped paying?
- Are there conditions that allow them to stop, like job loss?
3. Talk to Your Attorney
- If you didn’t have one during the divorce, now’s the time to bring one in.
- You may be able to file for contempt of court, garnish wages, or intercept tax refunds.
4. Don’t Wait
- The longer you wait, the harder it can be to collect past-due payments.
- Courts take non-payment seriously, but only if you act quickly and through the proper channels.
5. Build a Safety Net Now
If you’re still negotiating your divorce or modifying your current agreement, it’s not too late to plan ahead.
Ask your attorney about:
- Securing alimony with a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO) or property interest.
- Setting up a reserve fund or structured payout backed by a court order.
- Including a clause that allows for automatic enforcement, like wage withholding, without a new court hearing.
How a Family Law Attorney Can Bulletproof Your Settlement Agreement
Even the most amicable divorces can turn messy over money. The truth is, alimony isn’t just a number. It’s a legal obligation with financial and emotional impact, and it’s only as good as the agreement that supports it.
A family law attorney isn’t just there to negotiate—they’re there to protect.
Here’s how DeTommaso Law Group, LLC makes the difference:
- We’ll spot the loopholes that most people miss when writing their own terms.
- We’ll help you build in safeguards like insurance policies, trust accounts, or security interests to back up payments.
- We’ll write with enforcement in mind, so you’re not left scrambling if your ex ghosts you.
- We’ll consider the long-term, not just the next few years, including how retirement, health issues, or remarriage could affect your support.
If you’re already divorced and facing issues with unpaid alimony, we can help you enforce the agreement or modify it to reflect current realities. The key is not waiting until things fall apart to get legal backup, because no one should have to choose between chasing alimony and living their life.
Need help making your settlement stronger or fixing one that’s already broken? Reach out to us at (908) 274-3028 or fill out our online form to get started.