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To Divorce or Not to Divorce: How to Decide


When you and your spouse put divorcing on the table, you are essentially placing a bet that your future lives apart are going to be better than the ones you have now together. For some, that bet is a win. For others, it ends up being a bad bet.

Divorce is a complex process that should only be considered once all other options to save the marriage have been exhausted. Before going any further, below are some things to consider to decide if divorce is the best choice or not.

1. Decide Who The Marriage Is Not Working For

If the marriage is not working for one spouse and the other is happy, divorce should be put on the back burner. Marriage is a relationship like many others, and it needs both partners to be happy and willing to put in the effort and time to make it work. Both you and your spouse need to be completely honest about what each of you wants. If both decide they are not happy with the relationship, it means the marriage is not working, and divorce should be discussed.

2. Don't Get Involved With Other People

There is no way to honestly determine if a divorce is the best choice if one or both spouses are involved with other people. New relationships should only happen after a divorce has been finalized. Bringing in a third-party to the relationship can only make bad situations worse.

3. Don't Let Anger Drive You And Your Spouse To Divorce

Divorce should never be done out of anger. The ultimate and final decision to go through with it should be made when you are clear of strong emotions and level headed. If there are children involved, it is crucial to keep things civil and respectful while going through the process. When anger is the driving force behind a divorce, time can pass, and those feelings begin to fade. When they do, you may end up realizing you both made a terrible mistake.

4. Get Situated Financially First

A divorce can be costly. Not only are there lawyer fees to consider, but you will also be going from a two-income household to a single income in most cases. This can be a difficult transition for many, especially if there are children involved. Both spouses should make sure they are financially stable to survive after a divorce before going through with it.

5. Keep Divorce Personal

It is in nobody's best interest to put your divorce or hatred for your spouse out in public. If you need to talk about what you are going through, speak with the people you trust and are closest to. You may also choose to discuss the situation with a therapist, either together or separately. If you share your issues publicly and decide to stay married, it may end up causing additional problems when gossip continues to spread around social circles and social media websites.

6. You Don't Have To Hate Your Spouse To Divorce

Many married people get stuck on this issue. It is common to hear about divorcing couples hating their spouses and wanting their relationships to end triumphantly to help overcome the pain and suffering.

In reality, the better divorces are ones that are decided when both spouses are clear-headed and not fueling the decision with anger and frustration. There is a lot at stake when ending a marriage. Both spouses need to conclude that their marriage is no longer a peaceful, healthy relationship.

7. Think About The Children

It is a good idea to ask yourself if you would want your children to be in a relationship or marriage like yours. If you do not, it could be a good sign staying in the marriage is a bad idea and could negatively affect your children.

If you want your kids to grow up and enjoy meaningful and happy relationships, you will have to be the ones to model that for them. If you don't, they may grow up and repeat all of the same mistakes you and your spouse have. You might not respect yourself enough to end the marriage, but you may find the strength you need from your children.

8. Seek Legal Assistance

Divorce is something that should never be taken lightly. Do not let anyone outside of the family persuade you and your spouse to do something you are not ready to do. It is your life, and what you decide to do should be your decision only. If you have questions about how a divorce will affect your family or want to get some answers about the process, contact DeTommaso Law Group today. We will be happy to sit down with you and discuss your options.

Call us today at (908) 274-3028 to set up a consultation.

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